If you are an adult who has ever interacted with a child, then you know how volatile those little humans can be. They seemingly can go from 0-60 in no time at all. Once they do flip out, it becomes nearly impossible to calm them. However, if you have the basic steps to navigating emotional meltdowns using child psychology & development, you can get to a place of peace faster & the child can get back on track with less intensity.
Here are the basic steps to know:
Recognize kids losing their cool is normal and a sign of healthy development. They aren’t choosing to be “bad”. Children's brains are still developing, particularly in areas responsible for emotional regulation and impulse control. Children may struggle to manage their emotions effectively due to the immaturity of these brain regions, leading to heightened emotional reactions.
Chill. Easier said than done but, nothing is more important than how you make your child feel, especially not the thoughts or opinions of others. Remain calm & deal with the child’s emotions calmly, not with your own emotions. Take a few breaths, tell yourself it’s not about you, & act with purpose & intention. When you act calmly, you serve as your child’s safety anchor. They will calm faster observing you calm in the face of chaos. When a child is dysregulated, providing a space that is not dysregulated helps everything settle faster.
Children’s brains develop the ability to inhibit emotional reactions later on. When emotions are driving the brain, the ability to hold back impulsivity is absent. Elevated responses are likely to look like fight, flight, freeze, or fib. They yell, threaten, flop on the ground, run off, hit, .... you get the picture.
They have to be taught how to identify emotions and how to process them. An essential is teaching the child that there are no bad emotions. However, how we handle our emotions can be hurtful.
The fastest way to calm an upset child is get connected with them. Look for ways to use biology. Give space, offer a cold drink, a snack, seek a quiet space., or use strategies you have previously taught such as deep breathing exercises, mindfulness techniques, and progressive muscle relaxation, which have been shown to activate brain regions associated with emotional regulation and reduce stress.
WHY CONNECTION CHANGES THE BRAIN:
Neurotransmitters are chemical messengers in the brain that play a crucial role in regulating emotions, mood, and behavior. Two key neurotransmitters involved in emotional regulation are oxytocin and dopamine.
Oxytocin: The "Bonding Hormone":
Oxytocin is often referred to as the "bonding hormone" or "love hormone" because it is released in response to positive social interactions, particularly those involving physical touch. Positive physical touch, such as hugs, gentle pats, or cuddling, stimulates the release of oxytocin in both the giver and the receiver. Oxytocin promotes feelings of trust, connection, and security, which are essential for soothing an upset child and reducing stress and anxiety.
Dopamine: The "Feel-Good" Neurotransmitter:
Dopamine is known as the "feel-good" neurotransmitter because it is associated with pleasure, reward, and motivation. Positive physical touch and eye contact can also stimulate the release of dopamine in the brain, leading to feelings of pleasure and comfort. Dopamine reinforces positive behaviors and experiences, making the child more receptive to comfort and reassurance.
Armed with the simple strategies of connection, calm, & biology, you can navigate a child's meltdowns with ease & help them recover composure. Fair warning, if you get emotionally dysregulate, your child is not likely to calm any time soon. That is the hardest part. Remember, regardless of what they say or do, it is not about you so don't take it personal.
You got this!
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